Magic! April 30, 2008
Tim Burton and Old Blue Eyes. Could we ask for anything more?
What fun. I did the Myers Briggs profile on FB. It confirmed what I already knew. I’m an ISFJ through and through.
Uncanny, really.
ISFJ
ISFJs are sympathetic, loyal, considerate and conscientious. They will go to any amount of trouble, when it makes sense to them, to help those in need. ISFJs operate most comfortably in situations where the rules are well defined and where traditions are to be upheld. They focus on providing practical help and services for others and for the organizations they serve. They are often self-effacing in getting the job done, and they are willing to make necessary sacrifices, especially for their families. They are at their best quietly providing assistance and making sure things are in proper order.
Living
ISFJ children are conscientious, diligent, and rarely a behaviour problem to their parents or teachers. They like to know what is expected, and then they will dutifully and quietly follow through. In some respects, ISFJs behave like ‘perfect children’ because they try to please their parents, teachers, and those in authority. They work to meet others’ requirements if they are in keeping with the ISFJs’ value system, even if this involves a sacrifice on their part.
Security and routine are very important to ISFJ children. For some ISFJs, this means knowing exactly who is going to be there after school to take charge or who will be invited to play games with them. This need for security and order also applies in school. ISFJ children like to know exactly what they are supposed to do in school and like to feel certain that they have the skills before being called upon. ISFJs need gentle nudging to move beyond their comfort level. They may worry a lot about any number of things. This is apparent even in young children.
ISFJ children are particularly introspective in the face of adversity. Because of their inward focus, it simply does not occur to them to share their problems with others. They usually have a few close friends whom they are likely to deep as close friends for a lifetime. They often belong to at least one social group. They avoid center stage and contribute willingly in quiet, practical, behind-the-scenes ways. When comfortable, they can radiate their feelings and thoughtful values outward to others. They are often accepted for their kindness and quiet friendliness. They typically select a few special friends and nurture these friendships over long periods of time.
ISFJs shy away from disharmony and try to maintain cooperation at all costs. They may be more cautious and conservative than many of their peers. As young adults, ISFJs set goals with a variety of time frames, ranging from daily goals to long-range ones. If ISFJs have goals of summer vacation trips, they begin to save their money months in advance, gather accurate information on costs, and make lists of what to take. They try to have things in order each day so they will not have to worry too much about tomorrow.
In their careers, ISFJs are often likely to take what comes along; for example, they may accept the first job offer, rather than continue to look for something else and remain in a state of flux. Once in a job, they generally try to make the most of it, since the known is preferable to the unknown. They are loyal employees who diligently work at whatever tasks are given to them.
Learning and Working
ISFJs tend to be good students, because they diligently follow through in their work to please their teachers. One aspect of pleasing their teachers is wanting to know their teachers’ basic requirements so that they can meet them to the letter of the law. They like having assignments that are clear and that tangibly demonstrate that they have worked hard. They are not likely to feel comfortable with an independent study project, because independent study leaves them too much on their own without a set of definite procedures.
ISFJs learn best by doing. They like to be involved in their work, perhaps having a work sheet to follow along as the teacher speaks. They may feel comfortable in group activities as long as they are working with a cooperative and task-focused group. They learn well from lectures that are well organized, not too fast paced, and properly sequenced. Lectures that activate their senses or connect to sensory impressions are very rich for ISFJs. They find arguing to be nonproductive and even uncomfortable. They like clear conclusions to their learning. They want to know the right answer. They may need to accept that situations do not always have one answer and learn to feel comfortable with that.
At work, ISFJs contribute loyal, sympathetic, consistent, and considerate service to others. They are know for their kindness and for their willingness to go to any length to help those in need. They take the practical needs of people into account when they do their work, and their strong follow-through skills allow them to carry out organizational goals. They do at least what is expected to them and oftentimes more, without attracting attention to themselves. They are painstaking and responsible with detail and routine, and feel it is important to have the right things in the right places at the right times.
ISFJs are attracted to occupations that require dedication to others, service, attentiveness to details, and thoroughness. They would rather work with things that they can see - the tangibles that result in something worthwhile for people.
Some occupations are more appealing to ISFJs: bookkeeper, clerical supervisor, curator, family practice physician, health service worker, librarian, medical technologist, nurse, preschool and elementary teacher, typist, and other occupations that provide opportunities for them to meet their need to be of service to others.
Loving
For the ISFJ, love means security and commitment. Again, like other types, ISFJs tend to fall hard when they fall in love. Because they place a high value on marriage and family, they seek out a partner and feel unfulfilled without one. Marriage and family give ISFJs appropriate outlets for their love. In addition, they provide opportunities for them to meet their need to be of service to others. Because they are willing to give so much, they tend to expect the same sort of response from their mates and may be disappointed when their partners do not comply. However, they are realistic enough to know that they may not get exactly what they want and sometimes must accept their fate quietly.
ISFJs tend to stay in relationships that may not be in their best interests. Because ISFJs are responsible and dutiful, unless they are careful, their partners may take advantage of them. ISFJs are likely to stay in such relationships, because their values of commitment and stability are more important than their individual needs and wants. They may be taken for granted by the very people whom they care and do so much.
In love, ISFJs tend to epitomize people who radiate warmth and good feeling. While ISFJs may not verbalize deep love or the underlying sense of security and commitment that they feel, their contented facial expressions and demeanors illustrate their inner thoughts. They will do whatever is necessary to maintain this state. When the spouse or family of the ISFJ does not meet his or her expectations, the opposite facial expression or demeanor may occur. They are unlikely to talk with others about their disappointments.
When ISFJs are scorned, they are likely to be disappointed, angry, and bitter. However, they keep their feelings inside and often focus on themselves. After her spouse had left her to marry another, one ISFJ commented, ‘It wouldn’t mean anything if I let the anger out.’ Even though she was in pain, she held back her feelings and tears, responding to a strong need to appear composed and stoic to others.
ISFJs place a great deal of importance on their personal relationships. They’re generally very giving and loving people, who place the needs of others above their own. They sometimes have a problem with becoming overly emotionally needy, and with keeping their true feelings hidden from others. They take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships. ISFJs are extremely dependable, and put forth a lot of energy into keeping things running smoothly. They sometimes have difficulty saying “no” when asked to do something, and therefore may be taken for granted.
ISFJ Strengths
- Warm, friendly and affirming by nature.
- Service-oriented, wanting to please others.
- Good listeners.
- Will put forth lots of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations.
- Excellent organizational capabilities.
- Good at taking care of practical matters and daily needs.
- Usually good (albeit conservative) at handling money.
- Take their commitments seriously, and seek lifelong relationships.
ISFJ Weaknesses
- Don’t pay enough attention to their own needs.
- May have difficulty branching out into new territory.
- Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism.
- Unlikely to express their needs, which may cause pent-up frustrations to build inside.
- Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship.
- Have difficulty moving on after the end of a relationship.
ISFJs as Lovers
ISFJs are committed to their relationships. They have very intense feelings, which is not immediately apparent to others because they tend to hold things inside themselves without expressing them, unless they have a strong reason to do so. Their intensity of feeling makes their intimate relationship their first priority in life, with the possible exception of God. They seek monogamous, lifelong commitments, and can be depended upon to be faithful and loyal to their mates once they have made a commitment.
ISFJs have a difficult time leaving a relationship which is bad, or accepting that a relationship is over. They tend to put all of the blame on their own shoulders, and wonder what they should have done to make things work out. If they have been loyal to their vows and have done their duties, they will be at a complete loss as to what went wrong, and will have great difficulty accepting the end. They are “true blue” lovers, and may even remain faithful to their deceased partners.
ISFJs tend to be very selfless, and to put the needs of others well before their own needs. This may backfire on them, if they get into a situation in which they are taken advantage of, and do not have a good outlet for their strong emotions. In this kind of situation, the ISFJ might bottle up their feelings inside them, and form strong resentments against others. The ISFJ should work on recognizing their own needs, and place some importance on meeting them, rather than always putting the needs of others first. After all, if you can’t take care of yourself, how can take care of someone else?
Sexually, the ISFJ sees intimacy as a tangible way of strengthening their relationship bonds. They also see as something of a duty, and are likely to be more interested in serving their partner than in their own personal satisfaction. Although the ISFJ is not likely to be very wordy about expressing their love and affection, they’re likely to do so through their deeds, and will deeply value their partner’s responding affirmations.
The ISFJ is very warm and selfless. They’ll put forth tremendous amounts of energy and time into doing what they feel is their duty. What makes them feel best about themselves is when others show them their appreciation of the ISFJ. Consequently, the best gift that the partner of an ISFJ can give them is the expression of their love and appreciation.
ISFJs have difficulty with conflict situations, and would much prefer to just sweep things under the rug. Sometimes facing a conflict situation helps to resolve it, and the ISFJ should realize that the world will not end if they face the conflict, and express how they feel about it. A conflict situation is not necessarily a “problem” which needs to be gotten rid of, and it is also not necessarily the ISFJ’s fault. It’s a common problem for ISFJ’s to not express their feelings until pushed to some limit, after which they explode in anger and say things which they later feel they shouldn’t have said. These kinds of outbursts can be reduced by expressing their feelings on a more regular basis, rather than keeping them pent up inside.
In general, the ISFJ is usually a traditional, family-minded individual who places the comfort of their mates and families as their first priority in life. They’re great for providing for everyday basic needs, and have a depth of caring which is very unusual, and not found in most types. They highly invested in the health of their relationships, and will work very hard to make things run smoothly. They are dependable and affectionate lovers.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the ISFJ’s natural partner is the ESTP, or the ESFP. ISFJ’s dominant function of Introverted Sensing is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Extraverted Sensing.
ISFJs as Parents
Parenthood is seen as natural state and duty to the ISFJ. They are responsible about ensuring that their children have their practical needs met, and try to teach them the rules and observations of our society so that they grow into responsible and independent adults.
ISFJs may have difficulty administering punishment or discipline to their chldren, although most are able to overcome this discomfort because they feel it is their greater duty to instill their children with sound values. As individuals who value order and structure, they’re likely to create well-defined boundaries and roles for their children to live within.
ISFJ parents have a very difficult time if their children grow into “problem” adults. They tend to believe that it is their responsibility, and that they didn’t work hard enough to raise their children well. This may or may not be the case, but usually it isn’t. ISFJs usually put forth a lot of energy and effort and don’t give themselves credit for doing so.
In many ways, an ISFJ makes an ideal parent. Their children will not lack for structure, appropriate guidelines, or warmth and affection. Their children will remember and value the ISFJ parent for their warm natures and genuine efforts on their children’s behalf.
ISFJs as Friends
Although the ISFJ is likely to place God and family above their friends in their priorities, they genuinely enjoy spending time with friends and colleagues. In fact, ISFJs usually feel a strong need to talk problems and issues over with people before making decisions on their actions. Some ISFJs like to discuss things over with their friends, rather than their families.
ISFJs enjoy spending time with most other types of people. The love to observe people’s reactions and emotions in situations, and so enjoy being around diverse types of people. The ISFJ usually remains reserved around others, and does not open up very much. However, since they have a need to talk things over with others in order to make decisions, they do really need some close confidantes in their life. Their preference for these companions is other Sensing Feeling Judgers. They really enjoy and respect the company of Intuitive Feelers as well, but are not able to relate to them quite as well.
Friends of the ISFJ will value them for their warmth, dependability, depth of emotional awareness and understanding.
